Fake Update Screen

How to use it

1. Pick a style. Blue, Dark and Light look like a computer update, Phone looks like a phone installing an update, Retro looks like an old text mode upgrade.
2. Pick how long it takes to reach 100%. The percentage moves unevenly, with quick bursts and long pauses, just like a real update.
3. Tick Get stuck at 99% forever for maximum suffering, or choose what happens at 100%: start the next update, show a restart, or show your own message.
4. Press Start the fake update, or press F. Press Esc to exit.

Setting it up on a friend's computer

• Open this page on their computer while they are away, press Start the fake update and leave. The mouse pointer hides by itself after a couple of seconds.
• Clicking and typing do nothing, so it looks like the computer is locked in an update.
• For a phone or tablet, use the Phone style and add the page to the Home Screen first on iPhone so the browser bar does not show.
• Tell them before they switch it off at the wall. A real update being cut off can cause trouble, so the joke should end before anyone reaches for the power button.

Other uses

• Buy yourself a break. A fake loading screen on a work monitor says "I cannot do anything right now" better than any excuse.
• Videos and slides. A clean loading screen for a film scene, a presentation joke or a stream intermission.
• Screen time. Put it on the kids' tablet at bedtime and explain that the update will take all night.